“You’re It!” Your fave childhood game (and adult coping mechanism)

When was the last time you called someone a narcissist?

Many of our loudest judgments - the quick disgust, the moral outrage, the eye-rolls, the “can you believe they...” - aren’t just about other people.

They’re about us.

Welcome to the shadow.

Jung taught that the shadow accusations we hurl at others are often confessions waiting to be made about ourselves.

The shadow refers to the parts of ourselves we repress, deny, or disown - usually because they conflict with the image we want to present to the world.

But disowning those parts doesn’t erase them. It just pushes them underground, where they begin to project.

So instead of owning envy, we call someone arrogant.

Instead of recognizing our own manipulations, we fixate on how controlling others are.

Instead of admitting our capacity for rage, we label someone toxic.

These accusations might not be wrong. But they’re rarely clean.

The shadow loves to hide behind righteousness.

Want to meet your shadow? Ask your ex.

Right now, shadow work is trending - all over TikTok, Instagram, and spiritual wellness spaces.

It’s being sold as a kind of DIY enlightenment: journal prompts, tarot spreads, inner child memes.

But here’s the truth: shadow work isn’t just a vibe. It’s an excavation.

And done without support, it can be destabilizing - even dangerous.

Because the shadow doesn’t show up in clear reflections.

It distorts, exaggerates, and resists being seen. It’s symbolic, slippery, and emotionally loaded.

This work - done well - requires containment. It needs space for contradiction, grief, nuance.

And often, it needs the presence of someone trained to hold those depths with you. A therapist. A guide.

So yes, be curious when judgment arises:

• Instead of:“They’re so fake” Try:“Where am I not being real?”

• Instead of:“They’re a narcissist” Try:“Where do I feel unseen or small in their presence?”

• Instead of:“They’re manipulative” Try:“Where am I bending truth to stay in control?”

You’re likely to meet a version of yourself you’ve never dared to look at - but always suspected was there, just beneath the surface.

And that is the beginning of living more consciously.

But not necessarily more comfortably.

Start slow. Go deep. And don’t go it alone.